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Elections of Yore
(to the tune of “Yesterday”)
Yesterday, politics was just a game we’d play
Now hostility is here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly, there’s an absence of civility
There’s no common ground that I can see
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why we disagree
I don’t know, it’s hard to say
We’re so far apart
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday, bipartisan was just how we’d play
Now consensus just has gone away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Why things are so wrong
I don’t know, I’m sad to say
All my hope is gone
My heart longs for yesterday
Yesterday, I looked forward to Election Day
Now the discord takes my joy away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Bill ArchibaldArlington, Va.
Trump’s Campaign Love Song to America
(to the tune of “America,” from “West Side Story”)
I like to be in America
They’re all for me in America
I’ll keep it free in America
Free like I want it, America.
Political party that obeys
I eject anyone who strays
All of the judges on my side
They’re all along for the great ride.
I like to taunt in America
Grab what I want in America
There are no laws in America
That I need follow, America.
If I screw up it is OK
I’ll change the facts by the next day
And if I’m really defeated
I’ll say the other side cheated.
So vote for me in America
And you will see that America
Will cease to be your America
It will be all my America!
Naomi PliskowPhiladelphia
Kamala
(to the tune of “Camelot”)
It’s true! It’s true! Democrats make it clear
Kamala is the voters’ choice this year.
A change was made a short two months ago here
President Biden’s polls had turned to rot.
But there’s a pro quite fit to run the show here
She’s Kamala.
Decisions had to happen in a hurry
Endorsement came from Joe right on the dot
Excitement followed with few signs of worry
It’s Kamala.
Kamala! Kamala!
I know it sounds a bit ideal,
But with Kamala, Kamala
That’s how we start to heal.
The race cannot let up until the vote count
Electoral College will not disappear
Our country’s in a knot
They say she’s got a shot
To stop this juggernaut that threatens
Yes, it’s Kamala.
Kamala! Kamala!
I know she gives some people pause
But Kamala, Kamala,
she heeds the legal laws.
The battle must persist into November
Let’s hope we know by midnight on the fifth
Our country’s in a knot
Polls show she’s got a shot
But going back we’re not — that’s not a myth
with Kamala.
Marian CalabroHasbrouck Heights, N.J.
The Climate Is a-Changin’
(to the tune of “The Times They Are a-Changin’”)
Come liars, deniers who call it a hoax
And convince us these fires are nothin’ but jokes
When the air that you’re breathing’s like three packs of smokes
Even Fox might admit they were fakin’
Better get a good gas mask if ya don’t wanna choke
’Cause the climate is a-changin’
Come bathers and boaters, ya can’t hold back the sea
It’ll spill in your windows and rise past your knees
Hope ya got a fast speedboat, ’cause you’ll have to flee
When the next hurricane sends the waves in
Buy the best flood insurance and pay all the fees
’Cause the climate is a-changin’
Come leaders, chest-beaters who pander and preen
If money’s the one thing you value that’s green
Then your grandkids will never see skies that are clean
If you don’t think this planet’s worth savin’
We’ll banish your voices from our lives and our screens
’Cause the climate is a-changin’
The glaciers will melt, rainforests will burn
The karmic wheel will finally turn
And the powerful now will later be spurned
’Cause it’s science and truth the world’s cravin’
Don’t say it’s too late to finally learn
That the climate is a-changin’
Alexandra ForbesAuburn, N.Y.
On This Bench Where I Live
(to the tune of “On the Street Where You Live”)
I have often heard appeals before
And I’ve loved the liberals’ squeals
beneath my feet before
Once again am I, several rulings high,
serving God, from this bench, where I live.
There is righteousness, vested in my gown
And there’s just so many stinking things on which I frown!
Does God’s will outpour, out of every door?
Yes, for sure, on this bench where I live!
And O … that towering feeling,
just knowing the angels are near,
The awfully cocksure smug feeling
that soon my Lord will appear.
Liberals shout and stare, they don’t bother me
They’ll soon see feudal flags we plan to wave with glee.
Let the time pass by
Life terms satisfy
all my needs
on this bench
where I live.
Stephen Dedrick CraigCharlotte, N.C.
50 Ways to Save Your Mother (Earth)
(to the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”)
“The problem is burning too much fuel,” she said to me
“and drilling my hide to death and cutting down my trees”
She said, “Please help me in my struggle just to breathe”
There must be 50 ways to save your Mother
She said, “It’s really not my habit to intrude
But humans are hurting me and you don’t have a clue
So I’ll repeat myself: My survival’s up to you!”
There must be 50 ways to save your Mother
Fifty ways to save your Mother
Just hop on a bike, Mike
Walk if you can, Stan
Divest from those fuels, Jules
Just think about me
Compost your greens, Jean
Buy fewer new clothes, Rose
Plant a new tree, Lee
And let me live free
Reuse the sack, Jack
Say no to meat, Pete
Start eating more plants, Vance
Just think about me.
Paige GrantMarcy MatasickSanta Fe, N.M.
I Call It the Weave
They tell me I ramble, I call it the weave
Making connections you wouldn’t believe
Where I’ll just veer off to a random topic
Those who can’t follow are slow, myopic
They’ll say it’s haphazard, a pointless digression
When it’s really a brilliant oratorical lesson.
Let’s say it’s inflation, it’s grocery prices
Well just quoting numbers in no way suffices
So I’ll riff about boats being attacked by a shark
Say electric planes will crash when it’s dark
And all those windmills are causing you cancer
But fracking is harmless, the obvious answer,
And then I’ll move on to a surefire winner
When Hannibal Lecter has a friend for dinner
As a sautéed treat, a liver was taken
’Cause he couldn’t afford the high price of bacon.
You see how it’s done? That was not even planned
Bringing it back to the subject at hand,
For only a masterful mind could conceive
Such an amazing rhetorical weave.
And it’s all spontaneous, I never rehearse
And incredibly, I can do it in verse.
Keith HowellsFort Lauderdale, Fla.
Wordle
Games are fun but there are times,
When some will drive you mad.
The New York Times invented one,
And Wordle’s pretty bad!
Just find the word they’re thinking of,
A word five letters long.
You think, “No problem!” “Piece of cake!”
Then everything goes wrong!
You make your first guess, but you find,
Your letters were the worst.
You didn’t match a single one!
But you’re still smug at first.
You blow it off like nothing’s wrong.
“It was a fluke!” you say.
But when your second pick gets one,
Your cool is blown away.
“Hey! This is harder than it looks!”
Then quickly pick your third,
And that’s when all the swearing starts.
You think this game’s absurd!
Your picking slows as your heart pounds,
“Could this be what it is?”
Selection four gets two more right,
And you think you’re a whiz!
But these two, both, are colored gold,
You need to move them now.
You know they have to fit somewhere,
“But where?” “Exactly how?”
You rack your brain on number five,
Then slowly hit the ENTER.
That’s when you want to kill or maim,
This damn game’s bright inventor.
So now you’re down to your last guess,
There’s no more after six.
You’re trembling now and pray to God,
“Please bless my last five picks!”
That’s when your tension disappears,
And life seems so serene.
You’re staring at your Wordle now,
With all the letters green!
You did it! Oh my God! It’s great!
Pure joy’s replaced your sorrow.
You tell your friends you love this game —
At least until tomorrow. …
Steve BergmansCanton, Mich.
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